Can't tell if this is true or dream
Deep down inside I feel the scream
This terrible silence stops it there
Now that the war is through with me
I'm waking up, I cannot see
That there's not much left of me
Nothing is real but pain now
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god, help me
Back in the womb it's much too real
In pumps life that I must feel
But can't look forward to reveal
Look to the time when I'll live
Fed through the tube that sticks in me
Just like a wartime novelty
Tied to machines that make me be
Cut this life off from me
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god, wake me
Now the world is gone I'm just one
Oh god, help me
Hold my breath as I wish for death
Oh please god, help me
Darkness imprisoning me
All that I see
I cannot live
I cannot die
Trapped in myself
Body my holding cell
Landmines has taken my sight
Taken my speech
Taken my hearing
Taken my arms
Taken my legs
Taken my soul
Left me with life in hell
( Read more... )
And so, in recogition of this fact, I'm asking a favour. This isn't a meme - unless you make it one - but it is based on the general ideas of them.
So, to get to the point, would people mind doing the following?
First, tell me what name you think of me by. Second, tell me what I am to you - be it friend, family or something else. Thirdly, can you describe me or how you feel about me in as few or as many words as you like.
Then, optionally, I invite you to ask me a question. Any question you like. And I'll be as open and honest as I can be with the response. If you want to ask me more, then I won't mind too much.
This might be partially for my own sanity, and so I'd appreciate any responses.
This is only significant in that I never used to.
Not that I didn't laugh, but I didn't laugh out loud. I remember being in first year at uni and merely sniggering or chuckling.
I don't know what's changed, but these last few months I've been laughing - laughing properly and out loud at things.
I think I've started to be freer with my emotions, but I'm not sure. Been bottling them up so long, it's hard to tell.
The last few months have kinda been and emotional rollercoaster. When it all smooths out again, I'm hoping I'll still be laughing.
Basically, I quit McDonalds at the end of March. This was to go into the opportunity of "Trainee Sales Manager". Turns out that "Trainee Sales Manager" actually means there's a 6-stage development programme reminiscent of a pyramid scheme that involves 10-11 hour days. Also means I'm self-employed and purely "paid" from the commissions I earn. This has been repeatedly wiping me out in more ways than one.
Today, I went into work, told them I intended to pack it in and as a result am on a leave of sorts while I decide what I want to do. Incidentally, I think McDonalds still have me as an employee on the system because I think Ali's fudging things so her numbers look better. I'm probably going to phone McDonalds HR with my concerns going "I left last month and I'm still getting McTime texts and I know I'm on the rota as being 'on holiday' - want to tell her off?"
So, had a good day today involving much shopping and purchasing of books.
Until I get home from Forsaken that is. Because I take my laptop out of my bag, switch it on and go "why isn't it working?" Screen's fucked. Or the graphics card is. Or something is and the screen is suffering as a result. Either way it seems I have to take it to Comet and go "fix plz". I seem to remember that not going well last time I tried it. May also involve finding the receipt...
ETA: Incidentally, my friends are awesome. Off the top of my head... Rick, Kat and Mags - thanks :D
ETA2: Also, Ruth is uber-awesome
Right, update time now I have 5 minutes. Well actually, I don’t but I need to make some sort of update…
Laptop is fucked. Again. Borrowing Trenchcoat’s at the moment (Thanks!) so have internet again.
Wii won’t connect to router, so no internet for Wii. I’m going to try changing the router security, see if that helps, but if not, there are other solutions.
Dissertation first deliverable got mixed response. Turns out it’s a crock of shit. Basically. Have to re-do a lot of it in the next couple of weeks.
In other news: coursework coming out of my ass; back is royally fucked - painkillers are being taken fairly regularly now and I have to add co-codemol to the mix if it gets bad (note to self: get more co-codemol); game is going well, I think - players may or may not currently hate me - this remains to be seen; McD’s suck, but other jobs seem to not exist for me; oh and elections are coming up again.
Elections… the bane of my year. Once again, I shall be campaigning for the position of President of the Association. With all of the afore-mentioned problems. Great
Still, at least I have anime again. And Ugly Betty.
Also, thinking of giving DoC another makeover. Any opinions?
So what have I done since my last post?
- Worked on my dissertation - actually put in solid work-hours!
- Went out drinking for my birthday. Had a small meal as well with close friends.
- Read many books, watched much anime, seen lots of films.
- Bought all my Christmas presents at the Christmas Market
- Bought many custom dice
- Come back home for Christmas
- Had repetitive bouts of chronic back pain. (Have prescription painkillers for it) (Should really go and take some now)
- Created a talking chatbot somewhat representative of Jamie Gabbay
- Gone practically vegetarian at many points
- Listened to A Very Scary Solstice
- Gotten annoyed at the WGA strike meaning my TV watching habits have gone to pot. Not that I disagree with the strike, but I like my American TV…
- Done lots of lovely work at McDonald’s - especially with doing 11 and 12 hours shifts…
- Resisted the urge to buy lots of stuff from Liam’s
- Started doing Camarilla - or more to the point Changeling
- Also did the Cam Regionals as an NPC and played ghosts the entire time I was there
Also, anyone got a suggestion for a quote to go on my Gamers t-shirt?
Oh yes, and have yourselves a scary little solstice!
Should I start by mentioning the girls at work whos’ goals include stealing my hair (because it’s longer, prettier and generally better than theirs) and stealing my (sexy) top hat, my recent trip to a different store or my increasing collection of burns?
Or possibly the fact that I’ve (finally) been “trained” on front counter. By which I mean they gave me a float and told me to do front counter for a day. But they had confidence in me.
Shall be moving next weekend. Or at least this is the plan. Have taken Friday, Saturday and Sunday off to do “moving”, so should at least get the internet sorted, and that’s all I need really.
Have been watching many animes recently. Including, but not necessarily limited to: History’s Strongest Disciple: Kenichi, Heroic Age, Zombie Loan, Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion, Claymore, Naruto, Bleach, Devil May Cry, Today in Class 5-2, Ojamajo Doremi Naisho…
Have also been reading lots. Have reread Sandman 1-4, and almost all of the New Jedi Order series. Also read Nikolai Dante, Sinister Dexter, Global Frequency, and Order of the Stick: Start of Darkness (all graphic novels). I have a Douglas Coupland book from Jen downstairs to read as well as the 4th and 5th Horus Heresy books. (Oh and I read HP7 as well, but I already mentioned that on here)
Been to see Transformers, Harry Potter and Die Hard. Not seen the Simpsons film yet, but will soon-ish I think. I want to see Day Watch and Stardust over the festival as well.
I need to get gaming again - either GMing that Orpheus game people wanted me to run (which seems unlikely) or actually playing in a game of some sort… I did acquire the “phonebook” recently, so that may distract me enough… Need a LARP fix as well really.
Talking of LARP, me and Christine have bought a new shiny tent.
Shit. I need to send in that bloody resits form. Need to remember to do that tomorrow at work somehow - keep forgetting to grab an envelope.
And I’ve kinda strayed away from the work part, haven’t I? Thursday I was at P2 (Princes St, East End) instead of my usual store (Asda Chesser) which was interesting. Made quarter pounders and “Big BBQ”s for most of the day which made it different from normal work. Though the fact that the grill area at P2 is about the same size as the entire kitchen at Asda Chesser amused me as well.
Oh yes and the burns… they look like they’re shaping up to be ugly… They’re all off toasters, so they’re high-temperature dry burns - fun.
Ah well, Ben & Jerry’s will cure all
Yesterday (or the day before), I got mail from America - the ICHC buttons! They’re schweet!
Today, I got the Maelstrom mailshot through the mail (though it arrived in Shetland a while ago). It’s shiny and now I have less excuse to not play.
Today in Shetland, I got the second of my sets of the Star Wars: Legacy comics delivered (well ok, they arrived a while ago) (they sent two sets by accident and said to keep both sets! :)) as well as a letter from the Heriot-Watt Comp Sci dept.
Now I asked my mum to open it when I got home. Inside it contained one very important piece of news… I got into 4th Year!!! So so schweet…
Of course today had to have downsides as well. Yesterday I worked a 2-close (9 hour shift) and got asked to come in early today. (I was supposed to do another 2-close, but did a 12-close instead). I said ok since I wasn’t doing anything else today.
So first things first… 11-hour shift. I’m beat. Really really beat. I have been for the last 5 hours. I had trouble using a lobby-scoop earlier. Secondly, damn I get bitchy after working that long. Thirdly, ow my feet… really ow… and god the sweat…
Now it was my own fault, but I was up till like 2 last night. (But I did a lot of work on the Sapphire Court ley) And got up at 9. So so far, I’ve had a 15 and a half hour day, 10 of which was actual work plus an hours break on 7 hours of sleep. If it was a normal uni day, that wouldn’t faze me at all, but damn it’s hit me hard today.
And I start work at 11:45 tomorrow as well. And my uniforms are in the wash, so I’ll have to dry them in the morning. Yay..
But tomorrow, I should be finished by 8pm, so I may hit the pub, or the cinema, or both… Anyone doing anything specific tomorrow night?